she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
