I can tuck mytits in my pants
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
