i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
