i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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