bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You pole danced in your parka.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
