my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
