How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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