He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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