Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
