THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
