never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
