Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
