ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
