I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I want her autograph on my taint
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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