I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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