highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
