CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
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I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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