I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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