it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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