Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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