oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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