When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
