The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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