Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
