Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i drank out of a bidet.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
