My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont lie about slip and slides
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize