I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
that is very illegal...i love you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
