I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
