plz talk dirty to me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
