i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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