you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
