Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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