you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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