i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The best revenge is premature balding
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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