I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
