you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
