I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
