If i come over, it means nothing
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
