Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
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sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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