so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
