And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
