we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
