Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
