Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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