Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
