wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
