But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
