I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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