Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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