I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
