things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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