you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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