So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
