i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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