a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
