just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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