Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
