Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
