Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
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I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
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Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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